The “Secret Sauce” to Parenting “Complex Kids”

June 2022

By Elaine Taylor-Klaus, PCC, CPCC
Author, Parent Educator, Co-Founder of ImpactParents.com

 

The Early Years

For my first 10 years of parenting, I was searching for my village. I wanted a place to belong, to fit in. I wanted a place for my child to feel understood, even cherished. I wanted to connect to other parents and schools who understood my complex children. I was searching, but wasn’t finding, the help that I needed to parent my complex kids. Sound familiar?

Searching Without Knowing

In truth, I really didn’t know what I was looking for. The funny thing was that I thought I understood. I was trying hard to follow doctors’ advice; treating my children with therapies and special programs. I thought I was doing everything I could to help them.

Because:

  • I didn’t fully understand HOW my kids were struggling;
  • I certainly didn’t understand how my actions were helping or hurting their chance for success (and it was both, I assure you!); and
  • I had not yet learned how to set them up for success – for their whole lives.

The Changes Needed to Start with Me

And then, I accidentally learned the secret sauce to effective parenting: the changes for my kids needed to start with me. When I got some help for myself, everything started to get better for the whole family!

Don’t get me wrong. My child’s therapist was helpful – truly a godsend for me. But 10-minute conversations at the end of my daughter’s sessions were not enough. Not even close. I needed specific training and support, and that really wasn’t the therapist’s job.

With training and coaching, I had help parenting; I came to understand the challenges my children were facing, and learned strategies for coping and communicating more effectively. I began to take a whole new approach to raising children with complex needs. WOW! What a difference.

“Thank you, mommy. Things are so much better!”

My kids were SO much happier and more successful. Less than a year after I started getting coaching, my 9-year-old child (with Dyslexia, Anxiety, and ADHD) celebrated New Year’s by saying, “Thank you, mommy. Things are so much better around here.” I kid you not!

Now I’d be lying if I told you that my entire family life turned around in a year. Not so much. This is not Fantasyland – this is real life, and it’s complicated stuff we’re dealing with! It takes time to turn an ocean liner.

But I made enough changes in that first year that my husband’s attitude started to shift. He told me, once, a few years later (after he’d gotten some coaching for himself), that he couldn’t deny, anymore, what a difference my approach was making in our kids’ lives.

It Takes Just One Parent to Turn the Ship

You see, it had been easy for him to deny that ADHD and its related challenges (his, mine, and the kids’) was at the core of so many of the challenges we were facing. Accepting that fact – and DOING something about it – again, just WOW.

So here’s what I can tell you for sure. While it’s a heck of a lot easier when both parents are on the same page, sadly, that’s not very common in ADHD families. But don’t let that keep YOU from starting, NOW, to make things better. All it takes is one parent to begin to turn the ship! One parent can save the life of a child with ADHD. One parent can turn the tides.

And that one parent is you.

It takes more than early intervention programs (EIP), social skills group and occupational therapy to raise complex children in this modern world. It takes parents, committed to helping their children reach their potential, and open to a new way to tackle old problems! It takes parenting education, communication skills, coaching, and strategy personalized to the individual child and family. PARENTS make a world of difference!

Commit to Yourself for the Good of Your Child

Now you might think it’s too late, or you need your spouse on board, or there’s just not enough money, or you’re not sure what to do or try. Excuses are much easier than doing the hard work of focusing on you. But I assure you this: things will improve, dramatically, when you invest in yourself for the good of your child!

We’ve created a special, online village for parents at ImpactParents.com, and we invite you to join us. It’s just for parents like you – parents who want their complex kids to thrive, and aren’t always so sure how to help make that happen. So whether you join our free newsletter or a fee-based coaching group – we urge you to make a commitment to learning to be the best parent you can be for your child THIS year!

Your child’s future is a wondrous world of opportunity. What will you commit to doing now, to assure independence in 5, 10, or 20 years?

 

This article was originally published on ImpactParents.com.

 

For more information on how to parent complex kids and how to provide a better, more supportive environment for your child to thrive, please continue to read the following articles:

Worst Parenting Advice for Complex Kids

A Parent’s Best Question:  Is it Naughty or Neurological

The Marathon View In Parenting:  In it For the Long Haul

 


 

Elaine Taylor-Klaus, PCC, CPCC
Author, Parent Educator, Co-Founder of ImpactParents.com

With a lifelong passion for politics and community, Elaine Taylor-Klaus has always been a vocal and dynamic advocate for change. When she was presented with the life challenge of raising complex kids, she did not stand still. She sought support and help. And when she did not find it, she created it. While there are support systems in place for children, parents are often left to fend for themselves as they figure out how to navigate life with complex kids — those with ADHD, anxiety, autism, learning challenges, and so much more. Elaine blended her coaching experience with her parenting need and co-created ImpactADHD® — now ImpactParents.com — a groundbreaking resource for parents like her – and you. Since 2009, she has shared her expertise with national and international audiences at live and virtual conferences and events, and has been widely published in many publications including Attention and ADDitude magazines, and Kids In The House. Elaine offers trainings, presentations, keynotes, coaching, and support for parents and professionals around the globe. A Wesleyan University graduate (Connecticut) and CORO Fellow (New York), her passion for community, coaching, parenting, and politics has led to a lifetime of civic engagement and innovative programming.

 

Photo credit:  fizkes