By Jennifer Borenius, Executive Director, WEforum and Co-founder, Girls Gone Gritty
It isn’t a day you plan for—the day you’re told you have cancer. Over the years, I’ve learned that it’s the word itself, THE C WORD, that stops you in your tracks and disrupts everything. Suddenly, everything becomes jumbled and confused, plunging you into a state of disconnectedness and the universe of the unknown.
From the moment of the diagnosis, I saw the fear set in her eyes. What will happen? Why is this happening? Why me? Each question is valid, each thought genuine, and each breath becomes labored. Next comes the outpouring of fear, manifesting in tears. Then her fear is confirmed; it’s breast cancer.
When someone you love is going through these emotions and living this experience, it is incredibly personal and challenging. It feels invasive to our very being. We often don’t know how to feel, and as women, we may try to feel the “right way” and maintain a “good frame of mind.” We want to put on a happy, optimistic face. However, I realize that these expectations can be confusing and add to the stress of the initial uncertainty. It was clear to me in this moment that she was spiraling.
Quickly, almost to mask the distraught disbelief, our conversations shifted to being inquisitively proactive, filled with hypothetical questions that needed immediate, yet unavailable, answers. “What doctor should I see? Where should I go? Who will we tell? What treatments will be available? How will this affect me and my family? My life? My job? My everything?” It became evident how personal and intimate this conversation truly was. While it belonged to her, we were both spiraling out of our norms, making everything feel unreal.
I recommended that we trust her instincts about whom to confide in. Initially, we decided she would only tell a select few, intentionally keeping it from friends and family who might not be able to bear the news or who would not be able to support her overall needs. So we waited, only informing a small circle of people about the initial diagnosis, and made an appointment with a recommended surgeon. We agreed as we gathered more information, we would consider widening our circle to include others in her cancer journey.
In the weeks between the diagnosis and the first doctor’s appointment, I realized she had gone home to deal with this alone. It’s incredibly hard to return alone to the quiet of your home with a new set of living conditions. The mind isn’t calm during these situations for most. I made her promise not to Google or spend hours “researching” things. I emphatically insisted that it wouldn’t help. ”It’s not YOUR information,” I told her. Google search results would be irrelevant here. “Let’s wait to talk to YOUR DOCTOR—a person you chose who is educated, intelligent, and human, with whom you can have a conversation.” Thankfully, she agreed. She also decided to open up to a few friends, inviting them to lunch to share what was happening in her life. I could hear afterwards in her voice how much it had helped to expand her circle of trust.
Fortunately, her diagnosis came with a good prognosis. With no comorbidities or pre-existing conditions, her Stage 1 cancer would be manageable. However, due to HER2 positivity, it was recommended that she evaluate chemotherapy and radiation. The doctor conveyed all this information during an extensive, caring hour-long evaluation, establishing the trust and confidence needed to move forward.
We laid out a general plan based on what we knew: a lumpectomy would be necessary, and a few nodes would need to be removed and tested. We hoped for the best and planned for what we needed to do next, based on the information we had. She promised to continue to stay off the internet and to take it day by day. I emphasized the importance of focusing on herself—reducing stress and healing. She would best benefit from self understanding and contribute to her journey by remaining in charge, but with a healthy, strong support system of family and friends, along with a carefully curated medical team.
As I write this, we are still processing the initial surgery. More details will follow as we meet with the oncology team to set up chemotherapy treatment and radiation. I am doing my best to support her each day with the following agreements:
- We will stay positive and only work with what we know.
- We will openly share emotions and have deep conversations about feelings.
- We will trust our medical team but seek second opinions and strategies as needed.
- We will discuss plans with others to ensure we explore all options.
- We will make healthy decisions regarding what we engage with and consume across all senses, including food, information, media, relationships, and energy, immersing ourselves in the present.
- We will get outside and enjoy outdoor activities to promote restoration and healing.
- We will incorporate alternatives into our daily rituals that promote health and wellness, such as aromatherapy, massage therapy, salt bathing, and other alternative modalities with minimal adverse reactions.
- We will trust in each other and trust in God.
I recognize that these statements are easier said than done, and each individual’s journey with cancer is personal and challenging, with outcomes that vary. However, I know that I am proud of the resilience and strength that this challenger has built in her. This road has just begun, and there will be days when I am uncertain of what to do or say. Yet, I am reassured by the countless experiences of others who have faced similar challenges, and I believe that the personal connections we make will help guide us through this journey.
Jennifer Borenius is the host of Girls Gone Gritty, a podcast that encourages people to engage in challenging conversations and a dynamic and innovative wellness entrepreneur with over 25 years of experience in the health and wellness sector. As the founder of SoulShine Studios, she has successfully created and managed wellness programs that have collaborated with influential leaders and changemakers across various industries. Her commitment to advocacy is exemplified through the We are SURE movement, a plastic reduction initiative that has not only raised awareness about plastic consumption but also contributed to legislative changes in New Jersey.
In her role as Executive Director of WEforum, Jennifer empowers underserved communities by promoting healthy lifestyle choices through impactful programming and awareness campaigns. Currently working on helping teens, Jennifer is getting ready to launch Boomerang Board, a platform designed to support high school graduates at a pivotal moment in their lives, helping them recognize the limitless potential of their futures.
Known for her infectious energy, Jennifer is often found dancing, singing, and championing positivity and wellness. In her current podcast project, Girls Gone Gritty, she invites the audience to join her in exploring important topics with a pragmatic perspective and an open heart, believing that authentic sharing of life experiences can lead to meaningful change. Get ready to dive deep and discover the truth—LET’S GET GRITTY!
